Friday, July 13, 2012

Unused Bermanesque Nicknames

Anyone who is familiar with Chris Berman knows he has a proclivity for corny player nicknames.  Whether it is one as simple as Ben "Winter" Coates or a lengthier one like Jake "Day Light Come and I Want to" Delhomme, it never fails in the cheesy factor.

My disdain for Berman is well-documented, with something as recent as the last blog post that details how obnoxious of a baseball announcer he is.  On NFL Sunday Countdown, his sentences are so verbose to the point where the pitch of his voice lowers so much and he begins to sound like Jiminy Glick.  Regardless, he has a knack for coming up with a nickname for nearly every player.

Notice how I said nearly every player.  This brings us to the premise of the article.  Nothing New on the News has unearthed some archived Chris Berman type nicknames. They are mostly pop culture or intellectual references, so if you do not understand it, click on the hyperlink within the name.  They do not fail in terms of lameness.  Take a look:


Al-Farouq Aminu Acid

"Marvin the MarShon" Brooks

Sasha Pavlovic's Dog

"General" Greivis Vasquez

Omer "The Iron" Asik

Hasheem "We Got" Thabeet

Brian "Itzy Bitzy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot" Scalabrine

Danny "Walker, Texas" Granger

Aaron Afflalo the Leader

Jonny "In Like" Flynn

Kirk Hinrich Maneuver

"Bismack my Bitch up" Biyombo

Trevor "Thick" Booker

"She"Nene Hilario


Andre Ethier Said Than Done

Robinson Canó He Dit-int

Jayson "For What It's" Werth

Dan "This Could Get" Uggla

Xavier "My Fair" Nady

Mark Buehrle Bird Gets the Worm

Jordany Valdespin Me Right Round


Stephen "When the Moon Hits your Eye like a Big Pizza" Paea

Matt Roth IRA

Josh Sitton on the Toilet

Sam "Ya" Hurd

Anquan Boldin Retriever

Jeff Saturday Night Fever

Joseph "Live and Let" Addai

John Kuhn Skin Cap

Haloti Ngata gonna work here anymore (:25 seconds in)

Tim Fugger?  I hardly know her!

Kyle Orton Hears a Who

Zane "Meet the" Beadles

Roy Heluuuuuuuu!

Jason "Idiot" Avant

Thomas DeCoud d'état

Barrett "How" Ruud

Brandon Saine in the Membrane


Novak ""Is Wayne Brady Gonna Have to" Djokovic?