Every time the Olympics
roll around, I find myself wondering what it would be like if professional
football were an eligible sport. It’s
probably an exercise in futility because in order for a sport to gain access to
the Olympics, it must be played in seventy-five countries and four
continents. Regardless, I think an
American football squad would squash the competition like Gallagher with a
sledgehammer and watermelon. That would
be the real Dream Team.
For the sake of pure
enjoyment, I perused NFL rosters, put on my Kevin Colbert cap, and came up with the ideal lineup for a 2012
Olympic squad (if the sport is magically deemed a summer event). There are a few disclaimers, however:
1) The purpose of this is to compile the best team possible, not just throw out a
list of All Pros and Pro Bowlers. Now, a
lot of the players will have those accolades, but the goal was to fit the
pieces together best and have players properly complement each other. Furthermore, some players were given a little
more consideration due to position flexibility.
2) Only healthy players are chosen. Sure, players like Adrian Peterson, Jason
Peters, and Peyton Manning would be absolute shoe-ins for the team, but what
good would they be if they were asked to play in a game right now? Peterson is gradually working himself back
but isn’t ready while Peters, coming off of a recent Achilles tear, is probably
walking like Kevin Spacey in “The Usual Suspects” at the moment. Manning’s neck is probably about as stiff as
Hugh Hefner on a Viagra bender right now.
3) There are a few instances of ultra-youth and
seniority here. Before you get up in
arms about someone like Ray Lewis on the roster, go back and reread #1 then
read my reasoning later.
4) Just like an NFL team can only suit up 46 players
on game day, this team’s roster is 46.
Offense
QBs (3): Aaron
Rodgers (GB), Tom Brady (NE), Drew Brees (NO)
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Without a
doubt, the three best and healthiest QBs in the business. While I believe Rodgers is the best, you
really cannot go wrong with starting any of the three. The drop-off is
practically negligible.
RBs (3): Arian
Foster (HOU), LeSean McCoy (PHI), Maurice Jones-Drew (JAC)
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Foster is
the best (healthy) RB in the league, no questions asked. He has no weaknesses to his game, and he has
the size to be a durable back for years.
Jones-Drew would be an outstanding 4th quarter “kill the
clock” back, while McCoy would be a gem on passing downs or as a change of pace
on running downs. Or, since the
opposition would get slaughtered either way, you can take the Bill Guthridge
approach and rotate the starter for each game based on alphabetical order.
FBs (1): Vonta
Leach (BAL)
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Vonta
Leach is slowly approaching Lorenzo Neal status which means wherever he goes,
the RB behind him has a mega season. It
worked for Arian Foster in 2010 and it worked for Ray Rice last year. A fullback usually does not see major snaps,
but he’d be extremely useful when implemented on offense and as an upback on
kick returns where he can lay bone-crushing hits.
WRs (5): Larry
Fitzgerald (ARI), Calvin Johnson (DET), Andre Johnson (HOU), Wes Welker (NE),
Percy Harvin (MIN)
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Is this
the list of the top five receivers in the league? No, but this is the best
combination of receivers the USA could field.
Fitzgerald and the Johnsons are the top three receivers in the game, and
while each can occasionally line up in the slot, they’re not ideally suited
there. This is where Welker and Harvin
come into play, as both players complement the top three. Some might question the Harvin pick, but
here’s my explanation: He is one of the
best young playmakers in the business and can hurt you in so many ways. He’s more explosive than Welker and he can
line up in the slot, on the outside, in the backfield, and on kickoff returns.
TEs (2): Rob
Gronkowski (NE), Jimmy Graham (NO)
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Good
lord. A pair of 6’6”+ mammoths with rare ball skills equals
terror. Gronkowski is hands down the
best all-around tight end in the game, and Graham is the basketball equivalent
of having Dwight Howard defending the rim while wearing Moon Shoes (had to make
at least one Nickelodeon toy reference in this article). The red zone offense would be a pitch and
catch all day.
OTs (3): Joe
Thomas (CLE), Andrew Whitworth (CIN), Tyron Smith (DAL)
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At first
glance this might appear to be an underwhelming unit, so I must explain. Thomas is the best left tackle in the game,
so his mentioning needs no explanation.
Cincinnati has been quietly fielding one of the better offensive lines
in the game the past few years, and Whitworth is the anchor at left tackle. Standing at a gargantuan 6’7” and 330 lbs.,
he surprisingly has enough quickness to man the blindside. With his frame, he could man the right tackle
spot as well. Smith, the youngest player
on the team, could be seen as a bit of a head-scratcher. You could go with more of a natural right
tackle like a Bryan Bulaga or Eric Winston, but Smith played surprisingly well
as a rookie. Having this trio also gives
the unit the versatility to man both left and right tackle, something they all
boast and Bulaga and Winston do not necessarily possess.
Gs (3): Jahri
Evans (NO), Carl Nicks (TB), Marshal Yanda (BAL)
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Evans and
Nicks are both road graders that have received their fair share of accolades
the past few years, so it comes to no surprise that both are the choice
here. Yanda has been a mainstay in
Baltimore’s steady offensive line for five seasons now. He also has the ability to kick out to right
tackle if need be.
Cs (2): Nick
Mangold (NYJ), Maurkice Pouncey (PIT)
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Even when
I put the green shades down, Mangold is still the best center in the
league. He is excellent in the run game
and is extremely intelligent when asked to assist his guards in pass
protection. Nipping at his heels is the
young Maurkice Pouncey, who made an immediate impact since entering the league
two years ago. Both players are capable
of playing guard as well.
Defense
3-4 DEs/4-3 DTs (3): Haloti
Ngata (BAL), Justin Smith (SF), Ndamukong Suh (DET)
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In order
to get the best combination of players, the defense will run both a 3-4 and 4-3
scheme. Ngata, Smith, and Suh all
provide rare quickness with their brute strength. Not only are all three strong in run support,
but they have no problem when asked to rush the quarterback. Nobody wants to take a hit from any of these
guys. Just ask Ben Roethlisberger who
took a whack to the face from Ngata in 2010, causing his nose to bend to a 90
degree angle. Needless to say, he was
looking kind of dumb with his bridge of his nose in the shape of an “L” on his
forehead (anyone who understood that terrible lyrical take on a terrible pop
song from a decade ago is forever awesome in my book).
NTs (1): Vince
Wilfork (NE)
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Go back
and watch the AFC Championship game last year and tell me he wasn’t the best
player on the field that day. Utilizing
an impressive combination of leverage and strength, he had Matt Birk, an aging
but still effective center, backpedalling faster than Michael Jackson in
Moonwalker. That game was not an
aberration. For eight seasons now,
Wilfork has been one of the game’s premier nose tackles. He might not be the best anymore, but he is
probably still the smartest at his position.
3-4 OLBs/4-3 DEs (4):
DeMarcus Ware (DAL), Jared Allen (MIN), Trent Cole (PHI), Clay Matthews
(GB)
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You’re
looking at four of the most dominant pass rushers in the game, but you’re also
looking at some of the best run stopping edge players as well. Ware is the gold standard for outside
linebackers. Allen is the same for
defensive ends. Cole might be the most
underrated defensive end in the game, but his numbers speak for
themselves. Matthews’s sack totals were
not as eye-popping as 2010, but his total pressure was not much different. Ware and Matthews would be the starters in
base 3-4 looks, while Allen and Cole would be the starters in base 4-3 looks.
4-3 OLBs (3): Von
Miller (DEN), Sean Weatherspoon (ATL), Daryl Smith (JAC)
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Miller was
a QB nightmare the instant he stepped on the field last year. The only thing that slowed him down was a
late-season injury, but it still did not impede his march to becoming Defensive
Rookie of the Year. Weatherspoon
combines speed, ferociousness, and coverage ability to the weakside
position. Smith has quietly been one of
the game’s top non-rush outside linebackers, and he would provide excellent
insurance behind Miller and Weatherspoon.
3-4 ILBs/4-3 MLBs
(3): Patrick Willis (SF), Ray Lewis
(BAL), Sean Lee (DAL)
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I don’t
care to remember who carried the Olympic torch this year, but I do know that
Patrick Willis received the middle linebacker torch from Ray Lewis a few years
ago. He can dominate in any scheme. Lewis has certainly slowed down a little bit
in the past two years, but he is still effective and would be an excellent leader
and voice for the defense. Hey, if Larry
Bird on his last legs was asked to be on the Dream Team, Lewis deserves to be
on this team. After watching a handful
of Cowboys games last year, Lee really caught my eye. He is one of the few inside linebackers in
the game with excellent coverage skills.
CBs (4): Darrelle
Revis (NYJ), Charles Woodson (GB), Brent Grimes (ATL), Jonathan Joseph (HOU)
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Darrelle
Revis needs no explanation. Even at his
older age, Woodson can still play a multitude of positions including slot
corner and be a ballhawk. For a player
as small as Brent Grimes, he jumps like Spud Webb in a Slam Dunk Contest. It truly is incredible to see. He also has pretty slick coverage to
boot. Joseph has consistently been one
of the game’s better corners for a few years now, but last year was his coming
out party. This four man combination
touts a healthy mix of man-to-man corners, zone corners, feisty tacklers, and
playmakers.
Ss (3): Troy Polamalu (PIT), Ed Reed (BAL), Earl Thomas (SEA)
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Polamalu
and Reed are on the downside of their careers, but they’re still damn good
safeties. Both men provide once in a
decade type instincts that allow them to freelance at times and come up with
game-changing plays. The two can play
off each other, with Polamalu prowling in the box while Reed plays centerfield in
the deep safety position. Thomas is a
smaller safety, but he is certainly an up-and-comer in the NFL and edges out
the rehabilitating Eric Berry at the moment.
Special Teams
PKs (1): Sebastian
Janikowksi (OAK)
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Placekickers
tend to have very fickle careers. In one
season they can be on top of the world, then suddenly the next year it seems as
if they even forgot to kick a ball and consequently find themselves on the
street. Janikowski might not be the most accurate kicker in the league, but he
has pulled off the rare feat of sticking with his team his whole career. He also throws in a monster leg to boot that
can aid on long field goals and a plethora of
touchback opportunities because
frankly, this team will be scoring a lot.
Ps (1): Shane
Lechler (OAK)
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Lechler
has been another guy to stick with his team for so long. He too provides a superhuman leg with
excellent hang time. Consistently at the
top for several years, he edges out San Francisco’s Andy Lee.
KR/PRs (1): Devin
Hester (CHI)
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Hester
will probably go down as the best returner of all time. He is that scary. Put him back there on punt returns and pair
him up with Percy Harvin for kick returns.
The offense will thank them later.
Coaching Staff
Head Coach: Bill
Belichick (NE)
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He might
give snide mumble remarks in press conferences, he might not shake your hand if
you ruin his perfect season, and hell, he might even dress like the Sith Lord
when colder football months come, but he is undoubtedly the best in the
business. Nobody commands a smarter and
more disciplined team than Belichick.
This is an easy pick.
Offensive
Coordinator: Sean Payton (NO)
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Andy Reid
would be an excellent choice here simply because he has been able to seamlessly
execute a precision offense over the years with completely different personnel,
but the nod goes to Payton. The reason
is simple: Nobody mixes and matches
personnel groupings better than Sean Payton.
He has no difficulties in creating mismatches for the defense with his
wide arsenal of backs, receivers, and tight ends. A “spread the wealth” kind of play-caller, he
is the perfect fit for a Dream Team offense that will keep everybody happy.
Defensive
Coordinator: Dick LeBeau (PIT)
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This is
the defensive czar himself. He is filled
with decades of knowledge and might go down as the best defensive coordinator
of all time. He’ll squash your run and
he’ll have the opposition’s team doctor tell the QB, “Take two and call me in
the morning.”
Special Teams
Coordinator: John Harbaugh (BAL)
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Before
becoming an upper echelon Head Coach, Harbaugh was the Eagles Special Teams
Coordinator for a decade. He is
well-respected and players respond to him.
Harbaugh would be one of seven current Head Coaches on the staff.
Offensive Line Coach:
Dante Scarnecchia (NE)
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Having a
consistently good offensive line for a decade is extremely hard to
accomplish. Some of it falls on having a
sound front office, but a lot can be attributed to coaching. Thanks to Scarnecchia, Tom Brady’s jersey has
been pretty clean the past eleven seasons.
QB Coach: Mike
Shanahan (WAS)
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He
coordinated Steve Young to a career year and helped John Elway get two elusive
Super Bowl rings. The Rodgers, Brady,
Brees triumvirate needs little coaching in the form of fundamentals, but with
Shanahan’s credentials he would be an excellent sounding off board for the future Hall of Famers.
WRs Coach: Tom
Coughlin (NYG)
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Well
before he became a two-time Super Bowl winning Head Coach, Coughlin was a Wide
Receivers Coach under Bill Parcells and the Giants. It’s no coincidence that Coughlin’s Giants
field one of the best receiving units in the league. Now imagine him working with the quintet of
Fitzgerald, Johnson & Johnson, Welker, and Harvin.
TEs Coach: Rob
Chudzinski (CAR)
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When you
coach the likes of Jeremy Shockey and Kelen Winslow Jr. in college, become
responsible for the development of Antonio Gates, lead Derek Anderson to the
Pro Bowl, and oversee the best rookie season by a QB ever, it’s safe to say you
know a thing or two about tight ends and offense. Need I say more?
RBs Coach: Bobby
Turner (WAS)
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For
fifteen years in Denver, Turner oversaw the likes of Terrell Davis, Clinton
Portis, Olandis Gary, and Mike Anderson in their career years. Between Shanahan and Turner, the QB/RB
exchange will be as smooth as ever.
Defensive Line Coach:
Rex Ryan (NYJ)
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He might
garner attention for his mouth or for his affinity for cornerbacks, but Ryan,
just like his father Buddy, got his start coaching the defensive line. A master motivator and a brilliant defensive
mind, he would be salivating at the defensive line talent at his hands, so much
so that even the lap band surgery cannot hold him back.
LBs Coach: Keith
Butler (PIT)
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There is a
perfectly good reason why Butler, the Steelers LB coach since 2003, has never
been promoted to Defensive Coordinator or Head Coach with another team. It’s because Pittsburgh keeps giving him more
and more money to stay! Butler is the
ultimate successor to the timeless LeBeau, and he knows how to develop
linebackers. From Kendrell Bell, James
Farrior, Joey Porter, Clark Haggans,
Larry Foote, James Harrison, LaMarr Woodley, all the way to Lawrence Timmons,
it’s safe to say the man knows a thing or two about the position. The inside linebackers are run stuffers and
“A” gap blitzers, while the outside ‘backers pin their ears back and terrorize
offensive tackles. Sounds good to me.
Secondary Coach: Mike
Tomlin (PIT)
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The top
five NFL Head Coach got his positional coach notoriety when he commanded the
defensive backs for one of the best
defenses in the past two decades – the 2002 Tampa Bay Buccaneers. A cool character that immediately earns
respect and honor from his players, Tomlin is a must for this coaching staff.
