Anyone who is familiar with Chris Berman knows he has a proclivity for corny player nicknames. Whether it is one as simple as Ben "Winter" Coates or a lengthier one like Jake "Day Light Come and I Want to" Delhomme, it never fails in the cheesy factor.
My disdain for Berman is well-documented, with something as recent as the last blog post that details how obnoxious of a baseball announcer he is. On NFL Sunday Countdown, his sentences are so verbose to the point where the pitch of his voice lowers so much and he begins to sound like Jiminy Glick. Regardless, he has a knack for coming up with a nickname for nearly every player.
Notice how I said nearly every player. This brings us to the premise of the article. Nothing New on the News has unearthed some archived Chris Berman type nicknames. They are mostly pop culture or intellectual references, so if you do not understand it, click on the hyperlink within the name. They do not fail in terms of lameness. Take a look:
NBA
Al-Farouq Aminu Acid
"Marvin the MarShon" Brooks
Sasha Pavlovic's Dog
"General" Greivis Vasquez
Omer "The Iron" Asik
Hasheem "We Got" Thabeet
Brian "Itzy Bitzy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot" Scalabrine
Danny "Walker, Texas" Granger
Aaron Afflalo the Leader
Jonny "In Like" Flynn
Kirk Hinrich Maneuver
"Bismack my Bitch up" Biyombo
Trevor "Thick" Booker
"She"Nene Hilario
MLB
Andre Ethier Said Than Done
Robinson Canó He Dit-int
Jayson "For What It's" Werth
Dan "This Could Get" Uggla
Xavier "My Fair" Nady
Mark Buehrle Bird Gets the Worm
Jordany Valdespin Me Right Round
NFL
Stephen "When the Moon Hits your Eye like a Big Pizza" Paea
Matt Roth IRA
Josh Sitton on the Toilet
Sam "Ya" Hurd
Anquan Boldin Retriever
Jeff Saturday Night Fever
Joseph "Live and Let" Addai
John Kuhn Skin Cap
Haloti Ngata gonna work here anymore (:25 seconds in)
Tim Fugger? I hardly know her!
Kyle Orton Hears a Who
Zane "Meet the" Beadles
Roy Heluuuuuuuu!
Jason "Idiot" Avant
Thomas DeCoud d'état
Barrett "How" Ruud
Brandon Saine in the Membrane
Tennis
Novak ""Is Wayne Brady Gonna Have to" Djokovic?
Friday, July 13, 2012
Monday, July 9, 2012
It's the Least Wonderful Time of the Year
Could there possibly be a worse time of year for sports than All-Star week of baseball? The NBA just concluded its exciting season a few short weeks ago, hockey a few weeks earlier, and this is the doldrums for the NFL season. This is one of a pair of three week stretches where there is honestly no football to talk about besides over-hyping how certain UDFA's did while playing non-contact football. Some of the more fringe sports like tennis and soccer wrapped up major events prior to this week, with soccer concluding its Euro Cup and tennis with Wimbledon. Lastly, while we're afforded the benefit of this year being an Olympics year, it still is a little ways away.
For starters, All-Star games in general are pretty terrible. Nothing is worse than the Pro Bowl, which makes paddy cake look like the UFC. Defense in the NBA All-Star Game is about as foreign as Borat Sagdiyev. Finally, incompetency hit an all new high in the 2002 MLB All-Star Game when Bud Selig, Mr. Incompetent himself, declared the game a tie. Tom Hanks's character Jimmy Dugan famously exclaimed to Evelyn Gardner in A League of their Own, "There's no crying in baseball!" Maybe he should've told Bud Selig, "There no tying in baseball!"
The Monday night before is the 364th best sports day of the year. That's me being nice because I'm not counting this year as a leap year. Could there possibly be a worse announcer for baseball than Chris Berman? To take it a step further, is there anything worse than a Home Run Derby announced by Chris Berman? Do you realize how many times he excruciatingly said, "BACKBACKBACKBACK..." tonight? The guy sounds like the Cadbury Easter Bunny when he incessantly says that. Don't believe me? Here's a clip:
For starters, All-Star games in general are pretty terrible. Nothing is worse than the Pro Bowl, which makes paddy cake look like the UFC. Defense in the NBA All-Star Game is about as foreign as Borat Sagdiyev. Finally, incompetency hit an all new high in the 2002 MLB All-Star Game when Bud Selig, Mr. Incompetent himself, declared the game a tie. Tom Hanks's character Jimmy Dugan famously exclaimed to Evelyn Gardner in A League of their Own, "There's no crying in baseball!" Maybe he should've told Bud Selig, "There no tying in baseball!"
The Monday night before is the 364th best sports day of the year. That's me being nice because I'm not counting this year as a leap year. Could there possibly be a worse announcer for baseball than Chris Berman? To take it a step further, is there anything worse than a Home Run Derby announced by Chris Berman? Do you realize how many times he excruciatingly said, "BACKBACKBACKBACK..." tonight? The guy sounds like the Cadbury Easter Bunny when he incessantly says that. Don't believe me? Here's a clip:
Maybe we can just get him to announce the HR Derby next year instead. Would anyone notice?
Finally, Wednesday has got to be the dullest sports day of the entire year. There's no baseball games scheduled and like I mentioned above, no other legitimate sports have any games or events on the docket. God forbid I open a book (I thought that's why I graduated college?). Wednesday is probably the one day of the year where I actually would want to work. For now, however, I'll be checking out of life and setting my mental alarm (pop!) for Thursday.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)